Even the blinking cursor is a distraction. Staring at it as if it might do something other than blink. Getting sucked into it; not really counting, but just starting, waiting for something else to collect my attention. The last three days have been tough ones as far as my depression goes. My mind is willing to do something, anything, but my body is not. I’m like an overweight zombie. Gravity times 4; I feel very heavy and sluggish. Not sick, but stuck. The last few nights I’ve slept 10-12 hours which is highly unusual for me, and while It’s daytime, all I really want to do is lay down and sleep more.
I’ve stared at this blank screen and flashing cursor for 32 minutes trying to find the words. Within the fog in my head I know the words are there, but finding them is the trick. Type out a sentence, back the cursor up and try to start over. My brian wants the fog to clear, but my body won’t have it. It wants nothing to do with functioning. It wants to just sit and wait…for I don’t know what…
The television is on but the sound is down and I’m still sucked into the show. I can’t stop watching it. Moving my eyes feels heavy. I can’t hear the show, I’ve no idea what’s happening, but my hundred pound eyeballs won’t turn away…
The blinking cursor and 4 times the force of gravity. this chair will be shaped like me soon….