Yesterday I wrote about the joy of flashbacks as they pertain to me, mentally. Then I thought maybe I’d write about the physical effects of flashbacks, again, as pertained to me.
I’ll start with the headaches, which I suspect effect alot of us. My headaches are not particularly intense, however they are constant. And I mean constant. Sun-up to sun-down. And no amount of Motrin or Tylenol helps. Neither does mixing the two meds. Believe me, I’ve tried various quantities and mixes. Nothing helps.
Then is the sensory overload. I keep my eyes closed alot, because simply “seeing” gets my mind whirling. So does loud noises, and even being touched. For me being touched feels almost prickly, or shocking. It’s not very comforting, even though the thought behind is. I keep my eyes shut I start to doze off and just get tired and bitchy.
I will say listening to music does help my head, but I can’t listen to it loud, and I have to be very selective of the songs. The wrong song at the wrong time triggers all kinds problems both mental and physical.
The rest of my body feels sort of like the flu; aching joints and sore, tight muscles. Moving around, walking is very tiring and feels like the sensation of walking or moving fast in a swimming pool. Theres a heavy but invisible “drag” to physical movement.
In short, (cliff-notes) flashbacks are stressful and even painful; in the mind and throughout the body. So getting anything done is rare, as hard as I try. And I still haven’t learned to give myself permission to deal with the struggle and take a “down day” when I need it.
This of course ramps up the guilt, anxiety, and shame. As this invisible illness rears its ugly head. But that’s another post for another day….
D-
Doug’s direction... 